"...Proud of You..."

Jonathan and I, with all our children in tow are on an extravagant trip over seas, we're speaking the language fluently and planning the next trip when I wake to at 3:13am to Amaya tapping me on the cheek. I ask what's wrong and then I smell... THE SMELL. You know, the smell of vomit, yeah, THAT smell... She tells me she puked all over her bed... I get her shower ready and load her bed sheets into the washer.

Round two at 3:30am... and then rounds three and four...

She wakes this morning still puking.

At 7:30 it is time for me to take Tressa to the bus stop. Amaya starts puking again and this is where my post really begins.

I start rubbing her back and I start to cry. I am crying because I can't make her feel better, but I am mostly crying because I felt like a terrible mother having to take her to the bus stop where she has to puke in the grass. Tressa see's me crying and asks,

"What's wrong mommy?" 

"Nothing baby, mommy's just sad that Amaya is sick." 

"It's okay. I will rub her back for you mommy." 

That only made me cry more. Tressa loving on her sister. holding her hair and rubbing her back because mommy is sad. Tressa sits on the concrete and tells Amaya to sit in her lap. (I began kicking myself for not having my camera glued to my hand.)

The bus picks up Tressa and Amaya and I walk back. Rather, I walk back carrying Amaya. I tell her how happy it makes me that the kids all love each other so much and how proud I am of them for it and many other things.

WARNING: Tearjerker ahead!

Amaya replies,

"You take care of me good makes me proud of you Mommy."

I swear I cried a river! I felt so terrible taking her to the bus stop when she felt so miserable and had to puke in the grass... Until she reassured me that I am doing everything just right. 

I am so proud of the children that I have. They are all so amazing in so many ways. Joseph is so smart, creative and willing to help whenever I need him and for whatever reason. Tressa is so loving and protective of and adores her siblings. Amaya is so active and ready and willing to learn and teach everyone else everything she knows.

I am so thankful for everything I have. I am ashamed of myself for asking for more when I already have everything I could ever need.

Lots of love and amazing things in your life

          -Jaclyn-

A Case Of The Monday's

This morning walking back to the house after taking Joseph to the

bus stop I hear Tressa start screaming. I look behind me and she is on

the road in a crumpled mess. She has tripped herself and fallen. She's

of  course screaming as if the world were ending, she is our drama

queen after all... I inspect her hands and knees, nothing is bleeding,

but she is begging for a Hello Kitty band-aid in between her over

acted sobs. I pick her up from the road grab her hand and we walk

back home. Behind me I hear in the sweetest, most softest voice,

"I'm so sorry Mommy."

"What are you sorry for, Amaya?"

"For what I did to Tressa."

"What do you mean what you did to Tressa?"

"I pushed her down."

"You pushed her down just now?"

"Yes ma'am. I'm sorry Mommy."

"Why did you push your sister? Don't apologize to me. Tell Tressa you're sorry!"

"I pushed her because she was walking too slow and she was in my way."

We had a discussion about saying "Excuse me.", "Could you walk a

little faster Tressa?", or simply, just walk around her if she's walking too

slow. Gah! Tressa unfortunately seemed to have one crappy 

morning after that. She got on the bus crying because I told her she

had to carry her own nap time blanket. 

Lots of love and a happy Monday!

   

          -Jaclyn-

She's The One

Ever since becoming a mother of two daughters I have become a big stickler for letting them know just how beautiful they are and making sure to keep them from becoming the next anorexic celebrity or the girl I see in the school bathroom everyday inspecting her stomach.

Growing up I was always super thin. To most girls my age it was something they envied me for and I was loving it. I felt pretty and noticed. I worried about my weight. Not the way that you might be thinking. I wanted to gain weight. After a while I realized how terribly skinny I really was. Because of the gene pool I had an extremely difficult time putting on weight. And then I got pregnant.

I felt beautiful pregnant, until the stretchmarks came. I thought I was doing everything I could to prevent them. I slathered lotion on twice, sometimes three times a day and they still came. After giving birth I lost the weight fairly quickly, but not all of it. All the time I was trying to gain weight to feel better about my body and then I finally have weight on me and I was disgusted with how I looked. I felt unattractive in every way. The stretchmarks, the fat roll, the "pooch" I never had before. The only think I liked was having the biggest boobs I'd ever had! Jonathan would tell me how beautiful I was, but it's never enough until you're satisfied with yourself and only you can build your own confidence in your body image.

It wasn't until recently (within the last year) that I have loved my breasts, stretchmarks, poochy belly and bigger thighs. I just wish I could get into shape. I have no balance let alone any stamina to walk a mile. Lol. There are still things that I can change and I do my damndest to never say anything negative about my body in any way around any of our children. I don't want to be that influence.

The reason I am writing this post is this....

Last week Amaya walked into our bedroom for help zipping her pants when she grabs her tummy and says "I have a big tummy mommy." WHAT?! I was instantly mortified! She's not even 5 years old and she's barely pinching anything from her tummy and telling me how big it is!!! Then Saturday Tressa is getting dressed and tells me how big her legs (she points to her thighs) are!!! Where did I go wrong? What have I said or not said? Jonathan seems to think I am freaking out about nothing, but I just can't shake it. Have I told them how beautiful they are too little, or maybe too often? Did they hear me say something about myself?

Tuesday at the bus stop, a man in his car asks me what time the bus usually arrives because the driver is his uncle and he needs to speak with him. He then asks if all of the kids are mine and mentions how pretty the girls are. Then he points to Tressa saying, "SHE is gorgeous." " They're both beautiful, but she, she's THE ONE." All the while Amaya is staring at him with those blue eyes and batting those long lashes waiting for him to say something about her. He takes notice and says with a laugh, "You're beautiful too, but that one right there... She's THE ONE."

WARNING: Profane language and graphic details ahead. Read at your own risk.

Asshole! ASSHOLE! ASSHOLE!

Is he fucking serious?! Did he really just tell Amaya how much prettier her sister was than she?!

I instantly imagined  ripping his balls off and shoving them down his throat and laughing hysterically at his pain... Crazy? Maybe! But I haven't felt so much hatred for anyone in a long while. (Yes G-ma, I know. Hate is a strong word and I must use it with caution, if ever... I apologize☺)

Any advice?!?! I feel like a crazy person about this... HELP!

Lots of love and self confidence boosts...

          -Jaclyn-

Just One Of Those Days

This is how I have been feeling the last few days...

We returned to school after fall break on Monday. I am in COS 101- Fundamentals of Haircare. Basically we're covering everything we didn't in COS 100, which covers hair growth, analysis, five elements of hair design, properties of the hair and scalp, etc......... BORING! My instructor only makes it worse. She is by far the most intelligent of the instructors I have had, but she is soooooooooo monotone and all I ever hear is Charlie Brown's Teacher when she's teaching. And because this class is just basics, there isn't really any practical work involved so what are we doing for the required 2.5 hours of practical Monday-Thursday and the 6 hours on Saturday? FINGERWAVES, ROLLER SETS, AND PIN CURLS!!! I have had enough of them!!! Gah!!! Shoot me now!

On the up and up... Over fall break I did my nails in honor of breast cancer awareness and I love the way they turned out so I thought I'd share them with you. (Just click to make the picture larger) ☺

Lots of love and boobie inspections.

          -Jaclyn-

My Brother and Sister Too.

Tressa, our kindhearted, sensitive, caring, considerate, sympathetic, generous, unselfish child.

Not long ago I took Tressa to the post office with me. The lady asked if she could have a lollipop, and of course I said yes. As I started walking away, Tressa says to the lady, "Can I have one for my brother and sister too?" "You sure can. If it's okay with mommy." It was definitely okay.

Sunday I did my grocery shopping and it was Tressa's turn to come with me. While shopping she spots a Hello Kitty juice (she'll spot anything Hello Kitty, it's her new obsession) and asks if she may have one. Then without saying anything she grabs a spiderman juice, and another Hello Kitty juice. "Tressa, you can only have one baby." "But my brother and sister need one too mom." I just smiled and let her put them into our cart.

She is nonstop thinking about the others around her. On days that I take Joseph or Amaya and they get their treat, they take it without ever thinking about the others, but sure enough when we get home, they're rubbing it in to the other two. Not Tressa. Tressa brings them something back. Tressa our kindhearted, sensitive, caring, considerate, sympathetic, generous, unselfish child.

          -Jaclyn-

We're Famous!

A couple of weeks ago the girls were sent home with permission slips for the children to be photographed or filmed for a commercial. Last Wednesday when getting Amaya off of the bus (Tressa had stayed home because she was terribly ill) Mrs. White, Amaya's teacher and one of the occasional bus assistants, tells me that Amaya is the star of their commercial! :) Since she was the only student in all of the head start full of three and four year-olds that can read, they took her to a separate classroom where she read Sleepy Dog by Norman Gorbaty and The Eye Book by Dr. Seuss to the students and staff as well as for the commercial. These are even only Step 1 books and she's able to read steps 2, 3, and some level 4's. I am SO proud of my little big girl! My face lit up so much when her teacher told me all about it. I congratulated her a million times over and told her how proud I was of her and she would only smile and then run to play. I have been anxiously watching our local channels to await her "debut" ☺.

Then Friday, Jonathan comes home telling me about his day. He begins telling me about having to help someone carry in some UPS boxes. He walks into a room with these boxes and FLASH right in his face and then a few more flashes. It's a photographer from the Sun  Herald (our local newspaper). You can see one of Jonathan's famous photos here.  The photographer asks a few questions and then Jonathan must ask a few of his own... about what camera the guy is using. Jonathan is so ready to begin this photography! It makes me so happy seeing him so excited and sure about something!

See... We are famous! :Þ

          -Jaclyn-